Label: a descriptive or identifying word or phrase.
That seems simple enough. But don't let the simplicity fool you. Please allow me to take you on a personal tour of what I call "the label effect". I have to make it personal because it is...but it can be "applied" to everyone. (Pun intended)
It all started on the day I was born. My parents gave me a name. I needed to be called something because let's face it...life would be quite difficult if everyone was called "Baby". I suppose everyone could be given a number. For obvious reasons it was necessary to have this first label. However, no matter what I was called...I would still be "me".
Along the way, I started gathering some other descriptive labels. Depending on who you talked to and on what day...I was given some labels we now call personality traits. I have been "tagged" with many labels...good and not so good. Most people would like me to be consistent with these "traits" so that I would be more predictable. And we need to describe ourselves to others, so they can get to know us and what to expect from us. No matter how I am described, the fact remains...I would still be "me".
Later on I got some different labels. Some were roles I played...sister, daughter, wife, mother, student, etc. I also gathered up some professional titles. These actually impressed some people. I also gathered some health diagnoses...people didn't quite know what to make of them. After a lifetime of label gathering...I am still "me" (with the new label of "senior"...which I get discounts for!)
The amazing thing about labels is that we cannot live without them. Our minds have to categorize so that we can make some sense of the world we live in. The negative result is that we miss the ESSENCE of the person we have boxed in with labels. It is maddening to be perceived through the lens of my labels. I am not my labels, not even the good ones. And you are not yours. So this is the great question, that the search for identity demands..."Who am I if I am not my labels?"
Well, "I am". And you are too. We are all a part of the BIG "I AM".
"The label effect" is nearly impossible for anyone to escape, but it is the only way to truly experience the "real" essence of another.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Imperfect Teachers
I have a dilemma. I love to help people. And the way I love to help them is through teaching with words. However, I do not always "walk my talk", which comes across as "do as I say and not as I do". The question I am pondering is...does it matter? Before taking a stand on this, I want to dig a little deeper.
The last time I checked, I wasn't perfect. Well actually...not even close. Perfect is a hard word to define. Basically, I am not being the "best" I can be in the areas of physical, mental, psychosocial and spiritual aspects of my well being. Some of us may have a belief system that a person cannot be an effective teacher because of this...or worse yet, is a hypocrite.
I have been a physical therapist for 30 years. I rarely follow my own advice, and I know for a fact that I have made a difference in the quality of hundreds of lives. Here is the funny thing...if I TOLD my patients that I don't follow my own advice, I would not have been nearly as effective. Why is that?
Let's take an example of an overweight, smoking MD who has a wicked bedside manner. BUT he is brilliant in his field of practice. Why would not "walking his talk" make him a poor guide to YOUR improved health? Instead of going to the gym and spending time with his family, maybe he is pouring over the latest medical research to save YOUR life. (While eating donuts, of course.)
Psychology poses the same question. I have seen some great clinicians with messed up lives. Do their personal imperfections and failures make their advice less effective or invalid? Or is there the possibility that their imperfect personal and family life might be the very thing that drove them to learn all the things YOU are now benefiting from?
I remember a time at my office when I was giving marital advice to a friend. Another coworker said to me "Who are you to give marriage advice, you're divorced!" Wow. There it was: The ASSumption that if you are not walking your talk, or have failed at it...your advice is useless. The truth of the matter was...I had A LOT of great advice, because I had learned from my failures. The sad part was that my advice, as useful as it could have been was tossed. My friend bought into the belief system the other coworker preached. I too am guilty of this prejudice: Bad role model=useless teaching.
Now let's move on to the spiritual arena. Have you ever known a preacher of pastor who was truly a great teacher of morality...and didn't always follow his own advice? History is full of these "hypocrites". And yet, their teachings actually changed many lives for the better. When the hypocrisy was discovered, much of their good guidance was thrown out with them.
Here is the point: THE MESSENGER IS NOT THE MESSAGE
As for me...I want to help people. It really doesn't matter if I follow my own advice...the content remains the same. HOWEVER there is an EXCEPTION to this...in the Christian arena it DOES matter. According to this message, the messenger must "walk the talk" also.
I want to be a messenger for the message of God. I love to help people. I know I will never be able to walk my talk in all the arenas of life. But I do know that to practice what I preach in God's arena is imperative. The lesson is for all...including the imperfect teacher!
The last time I checked, I wasn't perfect. Well actually...not even close. Perfect is a hard word to define. Basically, I am not being the "best" I can be in the areas of physical, mental, psychosocial and spiritual aspects of my well being. Some of us may have a belief system that a person cannot be an effective teacher because of this...or worse yet, is a hypocrite.
I have been a physical therapist for 30 years. I rarely follow my own advice, and I know for a fact that I have made a difference in the quality of hundreds of lives. Here is the funny thing...if I TOLD my patients that I don't follow my own advice, I would not have been nearly as effective. Why is that?
Let's take an example of an overweight, smoking MD who has a wicked bedside manner. BUT he is brilliant in his field of practice. Why would not "walking his talk" make him a poor guide to YOUR improved health? Instead of going to the gym and spending time with his family, maybe he is pouring over the latest medical research to save YOUR life. (While eating donuts, of course.)
Psychology poses the same question. I have seen some great clinicians with messed up lives. Do their personal imperfections and failures make their advice less effective or invalid? Or is there the possibility that their imperfect personal and family life might be the very thing that drove them to learn all the things YOU are now benefiting from?
I remember a time at my office when I was giving marital advice to a friend. Another coworker said to me "Who are you to give marriage advice, you're divorced!" Wow. There it was: The ASSumption that if you are not walking your talk, or have failed at it...your advice is useless. The truth of the matter was...I had A LOT of great advice, because I had learned from my failures. The sad part was that my advice, as useful as it could have been was tossed. My friend bought into the belief system the other coworker preached. I too am guilty of this prejudice: Bad role model=useless teaching.
Now let's move on to the spiritual arena. Have you ever known a preacher of pastor who was truly a great teacher of morality...and didn't always follow his own advice? History is full of these "hypocrites". And yet, their teachings actually changed many lives for the better. When the hypocrisy was discovered, much of their good guidance was thrown out with them.
Here is the point: THE MESSENGER IS NOT THE MESSAGE
As for me...I want to help people. It really doesn't matter if I follow my own advice...the content remains the same. HOWEVER there is an EXCEPTION to this...in the Christian arena it DOES matter. According to this message, the messenger must "walk the talk" also.
I want to be a messenger for the message of God. I love to help people. I know I will never be able to walk my talk in all the arenas of life. But I do know that to practice what I preach in God's arena is imperative. The lesson is for all...including the imperfect teacher!
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Games
I love games and I hate them. I love the ones that are fun or challenging. I think most people enjoy a good game. The ones I hate are the ones I must use to survive in this world. These are the real life games that everyone engages in, whether they realize it or not.
How did we learn about games? It might have started with a simple "peek-a-boo". So here's what happens: Mommy is thrilled because she can make baby laugh with a game. It is fun for the both of them! One day, baby has learned that one way to get attention is to "play" a game. This is not a "bad" baby. This is just a baby learning how to get his needs met in order to SURVIVE.
As the child is exposed to the world, he or she learns all kinds of games. In our society, most games are about competition, either one against one, or team against team. Even in collaborative efforts, there is some type of goal to "win". There is virtually no way to escape this playing field. I believe this because I think life is a game of "SURVIVAL of the fittest". This is why brains, brawn, beauty and money go such a long way. They are all arsenal to get what you want and need in the world. This is purely observational with no judgement implied.
As an example, let's say I am hungry. I can beg, borrow or steal. If I beg, I will be more successful in getting fed if I appeal to a person's sympathy...a game. If I steal, I will have to be crafty enough to not get caught. If I borrow, I would have to find a way of paying it back. If I go out and get a job, I will have to have some level of skills to do that. Perhaps I will have to learn the game of how to land a job in the competitive market place. As a free adult, I am not free of the competition it takes to survive. No one is.
I believe that the world has demonstrated the survival of the fittest since the beginning of time. We can look as "humane" as we want to look, but the survival instinct may be the strongest instinct we have. I have met "survivalists" who are very kind and care for others, but believe that their physical life is what counts the most. They are driven to prepare for the worst by this instinct.
I have been playing the survival game for a long time, I was just unaware of it. To be honest, it is getting to be quite tiring. I ponder the point of it all. I have said that I would like my epitaph to read "What was that all about?"
One possible answer to that question...is that I am part of an evolving planet. What I do on this earth will contribute to making the earth a better place. That may be true, but all I can see is the human species on a path of self-destruction. That answer does not satisfy my "soul".
MY SOUL? What the heck is that? We all use this word, and somehow think it means something. What does it mean when we say "sell my soul" or "save my soul"? I know all about selling and saving in my physical world, but what is this soul?
As humans, we relate to games. And for good reason...to survive. But what if there is something that is to be saved, that is more important than my physical survival? Is there a game that I could or should be playing? Christianity points to this "other" game. It is very different than what we play on earth. It actually goes against our survival instinct. The rules of this game state that the soul is way more important and worthy than earthly life. It declares that to save it, you must be willing to lose your physical life...which is going against our basic survival instinct. And yet we are to cherish the life we are always willing to lose.
This game is a lot more complicated than the earth games I am used to. The battlefield is invisible. The strategies are complicated. It is a game between the forces of Good and Evil. If I am to take part in this game, I MUST choose a side. From my own personal experience, I have found that just tinkering with this game is not a good idea.
Like I said, I am very tired of the game of survival. It is all going to pass away anyway. I have to ask myself, am I ready for ANOTHER game? Especially one that I cannot see? For me, I now see two games...the game of physical survival and the game of soul survival.
When the rules of each game come into conflict, I will have to make a decision. I will have to decide which game is more important and respond to that. It may be a sacrificial move...against my survival instinct. To the world this will look insane. I believe this may be the only game that matters. If it is not, then we are all just "dust in the wind".
How did we learn about games? It might have started with a simple "peek-a-boo". So here's what happens: Mommy is thrilled because she can make baby laugh with a game. It is fun for the both of them! One day, baby has learned that one way to get attention is to "play" a game. This is not a "bad" baby. This is just a baby learning how to get his needs met in order to SURVIVE.
As the child is exposed to the world, he or she learns all kinds of games. In our society, most games are about competition, either one against one, or team against team. Even in collaborative efforts, there is some type of goal to "win". There is virtually no way to escape this playing field. I believe this because I think life is a game of "SURVIVAL of the fittest". This is why brains, brawn, beauty and money go such a long way. They are all arsenal to get what you want and need in the world. This is purely observational with no judgement implied.
As an example, let's say I am hungry. I can beg, borrow or steal. If I beg, I will be more successful in getting fed if I appeal to a person's sympathy...a game. If I steal, I will have to be crafty enough to not get caught. If I borrow, I would have to find a way of paying it back. If I go out and get a job, I will have to have some level of skills to do that. Perhaps I will have to learn the game of how to land a job in the competitive market place. As a free adult, I am not free of the competition it takes to survive. No one is.
I believe that the world has demonstrated the survival of the fittest since the beginning of time. We can look as "humane" as we want to look, but the survival instinct may be the strongest instinct we have. I have met "survivalists" who are very kind and care for others, but believe that their physical life is what counts the most. They are driven to prepare for the worst by this instinct.
I have been playing the survival game for a long time, I was just unaware of it. To be honest, it is getting to be quite tiring. I ponder the point of it all. I have said that I would like my epitaph to read "What was that all about?"
One possible answer to that question...is that I am part of an evolving planet. What I do on this earth will contribute to making the earth a better place. That may be true, but all I can see is the human species on a path of self-destruction. That answer does not satisfy my "soul".
MY SOUL? What the heck is that? We all use this word, and somehow think it means something. What does it mean when we say "sell my soul" or "save my soul"? I know all about selling and saving in my physical world, but what is this soul?
As humans, we relate to games. And for good reason...to survive. But what if there is something that is to be saved, that is more important than my physical survival? Is there a game that I could or should be playing? Christianity points to this "other" game. It is very different than what we play on earth. It actually goes against our survival instinct. The rules of this game state that the soul is way more important and worthy than earthly life. It declares that to save it, you must be willing to lose your physical life...which is going against our basic survival instinct. And yet we are to cherish the life we are always willing to lose.
This game is a lot more complicated than the earth games I am used to. The battlefield is invisible. The strategies are complicated. It is a game between the forces of Good and Evil. If I am to take part in this game, I MUST choose a side. From my own personal experience, I have found that just tinkering with this game is not a good idea.
Like I said, I am very tired of the game of survival. It is all going to pass away anyway. I have to ask myself, am I ready for ANOTHER game? Especially one that I cannot see? For me, I now see two games...the game of physical survival and the game of soul survival.
When the rules of each game come into conflict, I will have to make a decision. I will have to decide which game is more important and respond to that. It may be a sacrificial move...against my survival instinct. To the world this will look insane. I believe this may be the only game that matters. If it is not, then we are all just "dust in the wind".
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Who wrote the book?
Every week, I ponder what I shall blog about. Like some kind of Internet forum, my head is full of a thousand unrelated threads. So I wait for the inspiration to come on its own.
And Voila! There it was:
I wouldn't call myself an avid reader, but I have a deep LOVE AFFAIR going on with books. This picture transported me to the time of that budding romance. I recall FORCING my Mom to teach me to read. I even remember the first words I could read... "cat, hat, bat". I remember the excitement of that moment. I WAS READING!
A lot of people don't like to read. And the ones who do, do so for a variety of reasons. I began reading for the pure pleasure of it and to escape into other worlds that were MUCH more exciting than mine. Later, reading became a means to gain information. Sadly, I gave up much of my "pleasure" reading (TV shows and movies were easier and faster). Next, I was a "student" and books became a source of knowledge for me.
I grew up with the belief that knowledge was power and began seeking this "power" early on. I believed that my studies in physical therapy and psychology would give me the "power" to heal. I have relied heavily on the idea that I can find the answer to anything in a book. In reality, to be an "authority" on even just one small tiny subject, would take a lifetime. I didn't know it at the time, but I was "seeking" authority. And I was looking for it in the written word.
What intrigued me about this cartoon, was the concept of books being "friends". It is the whole idea of "authorship" that I am now pondering. Just consider the word "author"...or "author"ity. Everything I read is written by a unique human being. Not one of them is a final authority on anything. There is just too much to know. And yet I have a deep longing to have this "author"ity figure...who knows EVERYTHING! (Where did that desire come from???)
There are certain authors I connect to. I devour all they have written and I feel like I know them. There is a friendship. If I were to meet my favorite authors, it would probably surprise them how well I knew them. But they don't know me at all. Wouldn't it be too cool if the friendships were two-way? I am sure that is why so many of us have fantasies of becoming deep intimate friends with authors and songwriters.
So I am sitting now, surrounded by books written by "friends" that are near and dear to me. I am also typing on a computer that has access to a megaXmega storehouse of knowledge. I realize that all of this was "authored" by somebody. I am beginning to understand that every single person I meet has a story. Although unwritten, the story is still there. So in a sense, we are each unpublished stories, with our self as the main character.
Even though everyone has their own story, the question I pose is..."Who is the author?" I mean...who is the REAL AUTHOR of the story about me or about you...or anything? I can tell you right now, that the story I tell you about myself was not CREATED or AUTHORED by me. I am just the storyteller. And there is the possibility that the story I tell you about me...really isn't about me. It might just be a subplot of a bigger story!
In my lifetime, I have gotten "goo-goo" over many books and many authors. I share them with my friends. I am certain at the time that I have found the BEST book ever! But sooner or later, I find some flaws in the philosophy or the methodology it proposes. And I am disappointed that my author was not the "author"ity I had hoped for.
But I have some very GOOD news. I have finally found THE book I was looking for. Yes, I think I actually found it! I didn't want to shout about it too soon, because I have a track record of jumping on the nearest band wagon...when it comes to books with an answer.
Anyway, if you haven't heard, it is called the Bible. It is WAY different than any book I have ever read. I never get tired of reading it. It has a story line that is fantastic. If just one person wrote it, I would call it excellent fiction. If a handful of people wrote it over a twenty year period, I would have to say it might be true. The amazing thing is.... this book claims to have over 40 writers over the course of 1500 years...and yet it reads like a cohesive story written by one person. HOW COULD THAT BE?
And wait there is more... the AUTHOR of the Book is GOD?! Is THAT what I have been seeking all along? And this book says that the book itself is already written on my heart?! I mean how mindblowing is that?..Seeking my heart's deepest desires lead me back to a book that led me back to my core...my AUTHOR!
I could go on and on about the beauty of the Bible. At this point I must confess that the last thing I ever wanted to be was a "Bible thumper". And just look what has happened....that's how amazing it is!
And wait, there is more...according to His book, our Author WANTS to have a two-way relationship with ME and all of his readers! An Author who responds to his fan mail...anytime.
And that is where "cat, hat, bat" has taken me to. Millions of words later, I feel the same joy of discovery now that I felt at that moment. That is one of my many personal stories...and my telling it may be my part in a bigger story. For me, that makes it worth telling. Thank you for reading!
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
INTER-depedence Day
Today our country celebrates Independence Day. You always know the importance of a holiday, because they don't move the date around so people can have Monday off. So this holiday must be really important and probably deserves some reflection.
When I hear the word "independence", I associate it with a lot of things. Freedom is the first thing that comes to mind. I don't think there is a person alive who does not like to "hear" the word. "Let freedom ring" kind of sums that up. I think about the times in my life when I have felt independent. For example, driving solo in the car for the first time after getting my license.
We LOVE our independence so much, we will do anything for it. We will fight for it. We will die for it. Everyday on my job, I see an elderly population slowing losing their freedom. Some will hang onto their independent living style, even if they are endangering their life on a daily basis.
But what about the word "dependence"? I think it has a bad "ring" for all of us. Who wants do be dependent on anyone or anything? I don't know if this is the result of an inborn desire, or of a culture that makes its very foundation on the concept itself. I think dependency has been highly underrated, and this is why: YOU CAN'T HAVE INDEPENDENCE WITHOUT DEPENDENCE. Actually, you can't survive without being dependent, so it actually deserves the higher ranking.
Our culture perpetuates a myth that dependence is a "bad" thing. We may not like it, but it is a lie to ignore it. The truth is we live in a world...a system, or possibly a bigger system than that. Everything we do effects it and it effects us. We are blinded to this for some odd reason. I am fooled by it too.
The way I live looks like I am very independent. I have my own apartment, job, car. I pay my own way, and when things break I can either do it myself, or pay to have it done. Yep, I don't need anything or anyone. I cannot believe I actually DO believe this!
Sit and consider how dependent you truly are. If you had nothing but yourself and nature to get by, you would still be dependent upon nature.
Don't get me wrong. I adore that there are freedoms in this country that I can experience no where else. I am grateful that I have a say in what happens and not ruled by a dictator. I love so many of the freedoms that our country continues to uphold and fight for.
I celebrate today. And because of today, I am able to openly celebrate the holidays of my faith that give me an even greater freedom.
When I hear the word "independence", I associate it with a lot of things. Freedom is the first thing that comes to mind. I don't think there is a person alive who does not like to "hear" the word. "Let freedom ring" kind of sums that up. I think about the times in my life when I have felt independent. For example, driving solo in the car for the first time after getting my license.
We LOVE our independence so much, we will do anything for it. We will fight for it. We will die for it. Everyday on my job, I see an elderly population slowing losing their freedom. Some will hang onto their independent living style, even if they are endangering their life on a daily basis.
But what about the word "dependence"? I think it has a bad "ring" for all of us. Who wants do be dependent on anyone or anything? I don't know if this is the result of an inborn desire, or of a culture that makes its very foundation on the concept itself. I think dependency has been highly underrated, and this is why: YOU CAN'T HAVE INDEPENDENCE WITHOUT DEPENDENCE. Actually, you can't survive without being dependent, so it actually deserves the higher ranking.
Our culture perpetuates a myth that dependence is a "bad" thing. We may not like it, but it is a lie to ignore it. The truth is we live in a world...a system, or possibly a bigger system than that. Everything we do effects it and it effects us. We are blinded to this for some odd reason. I am fooled by it too.
The way I live looks like I am very independent. I have my own apartment, job, car. I pay my own way, and when things break I can either do it myself, or pay to have it done. Yep, I don't need anything or anyone. I cannot believe I actually DO believe this!
Sit and consider how dependent you truly are. If you had nothing but yourself and nature to get by, you would still be dependent upon nature.
Don't get me wrong. I adore that there are freedoms in this country that I can experience no where else. I am grateful that I have a say in what happens and not ruled by a dictator. I love so many of the freedoms that our country continues to uphold and fight for.
I celebrate today. And because of today, I am able to openly celebrate the holidays of my faith that give me an even greater freedom.
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