Does anyone really like the feelings this word elicits? "Obey!" It makes me feel like a dog. I took my dog to "obedience" school. For me, this word is associated with other words that "rub" me the wrong way. Words like... should, must, no choice, restraint. I can almost feel a noose tightening around my neck! And my initial reaction is RUN! When there is no place to run, I can dig in my heels or rebel. ANYTHING but do what I am told.
I don't think I'm alone here. I think something at the human core becomes threatened...FREEDOM! Now there's a word that elicits GOOD feelings. I associate this word with floating or flying. The word feels light. Whereas obedience feels heavy. I wish I could find a synonym. I know... how about "Respond!". Changing the word is just a way of tricking my brain into thinking that I am the one making the choice. In actuality I may be obeying, but the word "respond" does not trigger the same emotions as "obey". It's like saying, "I respond to my husband's needs." vs "I obey my husband." See what I mean about word choice?
But regardless of the words used, what is really going on here? I remember the day that my first grandson James learned how to crawl. There were videos posted, and everyone was celebrating his new found freedom. The very next week, I was talking on the phone with my daughter and I hear her say, "James...no!" It dawned on me at the time, that this was the beginning of his ongoing dilemma of freedom and "obedience"... or the way I choose to say it... freedom and "response" ability. (That's because I don't like the word responsibility either!)
So what the heck is going on here? On the planet, no one is truly free. We are all stuck in a body with the rules of gravity. So in a sense, we are all "trapped" and not free. So why is the desire to be free at our core? We are not physically free on earth...but yet it is written in our hearts to long for it. In my post regarding the word "perfect", I bring up the same point. Why is it on our hearts to seek perfection?
It is written, "For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." Matthew 7:8.
Why do I bring this up? Because for years I have been trying to identify what all people have in common. I think I am beginning to understand what "seeking God" really means. When I really observe the human species I see people longing for perfection...freedom...eternal life...to never be alone. These desires are deeply ingrained into our DNA. The problem is, none of them can be found on this planet. If these things are not attainable on this planet, then I beg the question WHY DO THEY EXIST AT OUR CORE?
Obedience is not written in my core. However, as a semi-intelligent earthling, I do know that without rules there is chaos. (I won't go into the insanity of some the Leviticus laws of the Bible or some the laws of our country.)
My conclusion is, there must be a reason for these deep longings. There are commandments to be obeyed and somehow they tie into the longings. If I "respond" to them will I find what I am longing for? Am I willing to find out?
At this point, I have taken the first few steps of this Christian journey. It is one of those things that you have to experience for yourself. I will say that the kind of "obedience" required here does not have the same "look" as a well trained military school. People all dressed the same, saying the same thing. On the contrary, part of the commandment is to adore individuality.
It is written, "My COMMAND is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." John 15:12
And so here we have ANOTHER thing we are SEEKING at our core. Someone to love us so much that they would be willing to die for us. What is your "response" to that?
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Word Wednesday: Motivation
Motivation has been a word I have been pondering for quite some time.
It all started when I was about 3, and asked "Why?" Yes, I know all children start driving their parents crazy with this question at some point...but I never quit. It must be human nature to ask this question, because everyone does. But "why" do some people become obsessed with it? (See, there I go again!) I know I have annoyed many people over the years, and I have had many great discussions with other "why people". In most of the discussions I have had, we usually end up with more questions. Especially when it comes to motivation.
I became intrigued with psychology early on, because I wanted to know "why" people are the way they are. I found some answers, but when it comes to motivation...good luck! It has taken me a long time to surrender to the fact that I will never know another's true motivation. Only God knows. There is a lot in the Bible about motivation (or the heart of man). God is very serious about this.
To me, motivation is the reason we do or think what we do. I am making an assumption here, that there is a motive to all action and thought. Possibly not. We do a lot of things that are reflexive or reactive, or without thought. Like breathing, I don't have much choice about that. Already, this becomes complicated... motives may be unconscious (a habit), subconscious (a reason that we are unaware of), or conscious (aware).
Motivation could be a thought or emotional state. Think for a moment... why do you get out of bed every morning? If you are not being lifted out of the crib anymore, something motivates you. So what is the thought or emotion that leads you to action? If you look hard, there is a least one motive for every action. When I examine why people do what they do, it is usually "multi-motivational". (I just made up a new word!)
Let's take an example of over-eating. There could be many reasons for this behavior... a mother who consoled the child with food, or an unloving father and the child turned to food for comfort. Or... it could be because of habit, comfort, boredom, distraction, rebellion, pleasure. OR ALL of these reasons, mixed together. And I must beg the question: DOES KNOWING "WHY" REALLY HELP CHANGE THE BEHAVIOR? My verdict...no.
Let's take another example. When somebody does something nice for you, what is their motivation? Does it matter? Most of us will answer that it does matter. We don't want to feel manipulated, or that we owe something, or that they did it out of guilt. We want to think their motive was their honest love and concern for us. If I said to my patients that I am just helping them for the paycheck, it probably wouldn't go over too well.
What about your own motivation? Does it matter? Mine started to matter when I started not to care. I realized that I was not changing or growing, for many reasons. But one of the main reasons was motivation.
Last week, I talked about seeking perfection. This used to be a motive for me...to be perfect. That turned out to be disastrous. I started watching and listening to people. Most people are motivated by "What's in it for me". Just look at the greed all around us...and I include myself. I am not so sure this motive is great either. But like seeking perfection, it drives our economy.
I am in the health care field, and one of the biggest challenges is motivating people to make long term commitments to healthy lifestyles. The reality is that this will save millions of health care dollars. The statistics are staggering at the low percentage of people who make these changes permanent. And there is neuropsychological research to explain why this is so. It is discouraging.
I don't know the solution. But I do know that motivation lies at the core. I do know that a culture that is motivated by "What's in it for me", will not last as long as one motivated by "What's in it for WE." That kind of belief involves motivation that includes sacrifice of self for the greater good. I know where you can find the PERFECT role model if you're interested.
It all started when I was about 3, and asked "Why?" Yes, I know all children start driving their parents crazy with this question at some point...but I never quit. It must be human nature to ask this question, because everyone does. But "why" do some people become obsessed with it? (See, there I go again!) I know I have annoyed many people over the years, and I have had many great discussions with other "why people". In most of the discussions I have had, we usually end up with more questions. Especially when it comes to motivation.
I became intrigued with psychology early on, because I wanted to know "why" people are the way they are. I found some answers, but when it comes to motivation...good luck! It has taken me a long time to surrender to the fact that I will never know another's true motivation. Only God knows. There is a lot in the Bible about motivation (or the heart of man). God is very serious about this.
To me, motivation is the reason we do or think what we do. I am making an assumption here, that there is a motive to all action and thought. Possibly not. We do a lot of things that are reflexive or reactive, or without thought. Like breathing, I don't have much choice about that. Already, this becomes complicated... motives may be unconscious (a habit), subconscious (a reason that we are unaware of), or conscious (aware).
Motivation could be a thought or emotional state. Think for a moment... why do you get out of bed every morning? If you are not being lifted out of the crib anymore, something motivates you. So what is the thought or emotion that leads you to action? If you look hard, there is a least one motive for every action. When I examine why people do what they do, it is usually "multi-motivational". (I just made up a new word!)
Let's take an example of over-eating. There could be many reasons for this behavior... a mother who consoled the child with food, or an unloving father and the child turned to food for comfort. Or... it could be because of habit, comfort, boredom, distraction, rebellion, pleasure. OR ALL of these reasons, mixed together. And I must beg the question: DOES KNOWING "WHY" REALLY HELP CHANGE THE BEHAVIOR? My verdict...no.
Let's take another example. When somebody does something nice for you, what is their motivation? Does it matter? Most of us will answer that it does matter. We don't want to feel manipulated, or that we owe something, or that they did it out of guilt. We want to think their motive was their honest love and concern for us. If I said to my patients that I am just helping them for the paycheck, it probably wouldn't go over too well.
What about your own motivation? Does it matter? Mine started to matter when I started not to care. I realized that I was not changing or growing, for many reasons. But one of the main reasons was motivation.
Last week, I talked about seeking perfection. This used to be a motive for me...to be perfect. That turned out to be disastrous. I started watching and listening to people. Most people are motivated by "What's in it for me". Just look at the greed all around us...and I include myself. I am not so sure this motive is great either. But like seeking perfection, it drives our economy.
I am in the health care field, and one of the biggest challenges is motivating people to make long term commitments to healthy lifestyles. The reality is that this will save millions of health care dollars. The statistics are staggering at the low percentage of people who make these changes permanent. And there is neuropsychological research to explain why this is so. It is discouraging.
I don't know the solution. But I do know that motivation lies at the core. I do know that a culture that is motivated by "What's in it for me", will not last as long as one motivated by "What's in it for WE." That kind of belief involves motivation that includes sacrifice of self for the greater good. I know where you can find the PERFECT role model if you're interested.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Word Wednesday: Perfect
"Perfect!" I think most people love to hear and say this word. Most of the time it produces "positive" emotions. An exception might be when it is describing my opponent's performance in a competition where I have a lot at stake. Then the word might elicit feelings of anger, fear or envy. You know, all those not-so-good feelings. Unless.... I am the "perfect" good sport...in which case I experience positive feelings again.
I am fascinated by this word. Think of the synonyms... "Bull's eye!" "A-One!" "Bingo!" "Magnifico!" "Dead on!" There is a wonderful feeling elicited when I hear words like this. And I want to feel that more!
I sometimes wonder about all this seeking for perfection. Most of us seem to do it. We seek the "perfect" clothes, job, lifestyle, car, home, relationships. You name it. For many, it is hard to be satisfied with anything less. It actually fuels our economy. For a moment, I am NOT going to assume "seeking perfection" is always a good thing. If you have read my other posts, you will notice what I think about ASSumptions.
For one thing, perfection DOES NOT imply morality. I think we all hear a word and assume it implies goodness, because the word sounds good. Remember... there is the "perfect" murder and "perfect" revenge.
I can see the downside to seeking perfection. An example is the "perfect" relationship. Many of us are told not to "settle" when choosing a life partner. What does that mean?? Perfection is unattainable, not permanent, and an ideal based upon our imagining of what it is. It is also very subjective. My idea of perfection is unique only to myself. It is a private "bar-setting" I possess, and you may or may not meet my standards. How does THAT make you feel? This bar-setting of expectations is usually based on some ideal. What happens if it is too high... or too low? Or what if there was no bar at all?
When I was young I was told, "Just do the best you can." That started me on a path of seeking perfection, and to find out what "best" meant. Because of this, I became what others call a "perfectionist". And this also lead to other labels, such as idealistic, controlling, inflexible, intolerant and OCD(ish). I was also full of anxiety and insecurity. The good news was that this seeking perfection served me well in school and the workplace. It was not so helpful in the world of relationships. (I love that my dentist is a perfectionist...I am not sure I would want to live in her house.)
I am really writing this post, because it fascinates me that this seeking is almost ingrained in our souls. It is such a stong desire. For most of my life, I was seeking perfection in the world. This is crazy because it is unattainable. So now, I am seeking inner perfection which is equally unattainable. The irony is, that in a lifetime of seeking perfection, I actually found it...but it isn't at all what I thought it would be. And although the seeking brought me to it...it was there all along. (Yes, Dorothy...if you are a Wizard of OZ fan.)
I think there may be a different "feel" to the perfection I have found. It is not temporary and it is attainable. It is actually paradoxical...because it is a perfection that does not require seeking...because it already exists. I don't have the exact words... but this kind of perfection does feel different . It resonates deep within me and "rings" true. It is different than a "hole in one!" kind of feeling. It is more like a "whole in one".
So now what? I can continue to do my "best", whatever that might mean...but "perfection" is just another word and it does not define me. If it does define me, it defines everyone... we all might be just plain "perfectly imperfect".
I am fascinated by this word. Think of the synonyms... "Bull's eye!" "A-One!" "Bingo!" "Magnifico!" "Dead on!" There is a wonderful feeling elicited when I hear words like this. And I want to feel that more!
I sometimes wonder about all this seeking for perfection. Most of us seem to do it. We seek the "perfect" clothes, job, lifestyle, car, home, relationships. You name it. For many, it is hard to be satisfied with anything less. It actually fuels our economy. For a moment, I am NOT going to assume "seeking perfection" is always a good thing. If you have read my other posts, you will notice what I think about ASSumptions.
For one thing, perfection DOES NOT imply morality. I think we all hear a word and assume it implies goodness, because the word sounds good. Remember... there is the "perfect" murder and "perfect" revenge.
I can see the downside to seeking perfection. An example is the "perfect" relationship. Many of us are told not to "settle" when choosing a life partner. What does that mean?? Perfection is unattainable, not permanent, and an ideal based upon our imagining of what it is. It is also very subjective. My idea of perfection is unique only to myself. It is a private "bar-setting" I possess, and you may or may not meet my standards. How does THAT make you feel? This bar-setting of expectations is usually based on some ideal. What happens if it is too high... or too low? Or what if there was no bar at all?
When I was young I was told, "Just do the best you can." That started me on a path of seeking perfection, and to find out what "best" meant. Because of this, I became what others call a "perfectionist". And this also lead to other labels, such as idealistic, controlling, inflexible, intolerant and OCD(ish). I was also full of anxiety and insecurity. The good news was that this seeking perfection served me well in school and the workplace. It was not so helpful in the world of relationships. (I love that my dentist is a perfectionist...I am not sure I would want to live in her house.)
I am really writing this post, because it fascinates me that this seeking is almost ingrained in our souls. It is such a stong desire. For most of my life, I was seeking perfection in the world. This is crazy because it is unattainable. So now, I am seeking inner perfection which is equally unattainable. The irony is, that in a lifetime of seeking perfection, I actually found it...but it isn't at all what I thought it would be. And although the seeking brought me to it...it was there all along. (Yes, Dorothy...if you are a Wizard of OZ fan.)
I think there may be a different "feel" to the perfection I have found. It is not temporary and it is attainable. It is actually paradoxical...because it is a perfection that does not require seeking...because it already exists. I don't have the exact words... but this kind of perfection does feel different . It resonates deep within me and "rings" true. It is different than a "hole in one!" kind of feeling. It is more like a "whole in one".
So now what? I can continue to do my "best", whatever that might mean...but "perfection" is just another word and it does not define me. If it does define me, it defines everyone... we all might be just plain "perfectly imperfect".
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Word Wednesday: "Word"
Talking about the word "word" sounds like it might be boring. I mean just look at it... four little letters; w-o-r-d. That's it. And yet the most read book in history is also known as "The Word". So maybe these four letters deserve a bit of attention.
"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." -John 1:1
Hmm...that is kind of interesting. So, what exactly does this word "word" mean?
For me, "word" is just something I use to make sentences out of. So what's the big deal? I ASSumed that this definition is true for all cultures across all time. I was pretty amazed to find out that I WAS WRONG. All words mean different things to different people, and it is no different with this word.
To the Jews, "word" had a very distinct meaning. To most people in the middle east, a word is not just a word, but a POWER that does something. The Old Testament is full of the POWER of words. William Barclay writes, "To Jews, a word was far more than a mere sound; it was something which had an independent existence and which actually did things."
I like to ponder this. Word Wednesday is about words: ESPECIALLY the POWER that words can have on our emotions. And I do believe that our emotions can lead us to action (or inaction). I don't think I personally have power, but I know my words can. I know, because I have had my emotions change when I listen to another...and sometimes moved by those emotions to action. (Don't ASSume that action was for the better...a lot of it was from manipulation or marketing.)
If you are finding this blog "dry" to read, it is because I haven't chosen the words that "stir" your emotion in some way. (Or you have better things to do...which you do. Let me "entice" you some more with magical words!) Get the picture?
I hate the idea that my words can hurt. I love the idea that my words can encourage. I have to believe that the things we do and the words we choose make a difference. I am the vehicle for this POWER. So are you. So is everyone.
Truly, I wish it wasn't this way. Why? Because now that I know this... I have to be RESPONSIBLE and choose my words with care and wisdom. That might mean I have to talk less, listen more, and act like a grown up...until I become one...maybe.
Yep, this is what happens after the first "Da-Da" .
And speaking of "Da-Da", I wanted to let you know what happened with the "Word".
Well..... "The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us". -John 1:14
"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." -John 1:1
Hmm...that is kind of interesting. So, what exactly does this word "word" mean?
For me, "word" is just something I use to make sentences out of. So what's the big deal? I ASSumed that this definition is true for all cultures across all time. I was pretty amazed to find out that I WAS WRONG. All words mean different things to different people, and it is no different with this word.
To the Jews, "word" had a very distinct meaning. To most people in the middle east, a word is not just a word, but a POWER that does something. The Old Testament is full of the POWER of words. William Barclay writes, "To Jews, a word was far more than a mere sound; it was something which had an independent existence and which actually did things."
I like to ponder this. Word Wednesday is about words: ESPECIALLY the POWER that words can have on our emotions. And I do believe that our emotions can lead us to action (or inaction). I don't think I personally have power, but I know my words can. I know, because I have had my emotions change when I listen to another...and sometimes moved by those emotions to action. (Don't ASSume that action was for the better...a lot of it was from manipulation or marketing.)
If you are finding this blog "dry" to read, it is because I haven't chosen the words that "stir" your emotion in some way. (Or you have better things to do...which you do. Let me "entice" you some more with magical words!) Get the picture?
I hate the idea that my words can hurt. I love the idea that my words can encourage. I have to believe that the things we do and the words we choose make a difference. I am the vehicle for this POWER. So are you. So is everyone.
Truly, I wish it wasn't this way. Why? Because now that I know this... I have to be RESPONSIBLE and choose my words with care and wisdom. That might mean I have to talk less, listen more, and act like a grown up...until I become one...maybe.
Yep, this is what happens after the first "Da-Da" .
And speaking of "Da-Da", I wanted to let you know what happened with the "Word".
Well..... "The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us". -John 1:14
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