There have been too many "just coincidences" in my life. The timing is too uncanny and incredible to just chalk it up to probability. I call these moments "winks from God". With some googling, I found out I am not alone...there are even books written about it.
I could write about so many of these moments, but I want to share a recent story that may have been "just coincidence"... or not.
I drive a lot on my job, and I see a lot of "beggars" on the corner. I can never decide if I should give something, so this summer I decided to try an "experiment".
The rules went like this: I keep dollar bills on my console, Every time I am the first car stopped at the intersection, I am to give the beggar a dollar...no matter what. I really don't know why I decided to do this and with these particular rules. I just made the decision and went with it.
All summer long I probably gave away two dollars total. And then last week, I had this most unusual experience:
At the end of the day, I came to a stop light and saw the most dirty and ugly beggar ever. I couldn't read his sign, but he was kinda scary looking. I rolled down my window and put out my dollar. He hobbled over and leaned close to the window and gently took the dollar with filthy hands. His red and watery eyes connected with mine as he said a very heartfelt "God bless you". Immediately, "Jesus on the cross" was the thought that pierced through my mind. (Trust me, I don't usually think like this.)
I had previously decided to swing by Starbucks which was about 2 blocks away. After ordering at the drive-thru, I had this incredibly long talk with God. It went something like this: "So God, does it really matter that I gave him a dollar? Should I have given him more...or maybe not at all? I mean, what if he uses it to buy wine or something bad? Wouldn't that be enabling him? Does it really matter at all God...it was just a stupid dollar. And not only that God, but my heart wasn't in it. Aren't I supposed to care about him and feel good about this? Actually God, I don't. I am confused and I don't have any feelings at all about what I did. What do you make of all this God?"
While chattering away, I had made my way to the window to pay for my coffee. I handed the barista my card and she says, "Oh no, you don't have to pay...the customer ahead of you paid for it." I was hit so hard by this, that I did not "pay it forward"...but drove away in a daze. I knew this was more than a fun "wink" from God, it was more like a "jolt".
I have been processing this for the past week. I know God was at work to send me a message. Normally "coincidences" like this build my faith that God is present and at work. This was different. This was a lesson.
Let's look at the "givers". The person who started the "pay it forward" got no thanks. Not only that, he or she was giving to people who could afford it and was contributing to a possible caffeine addiction. That kind of giving makes no sense to me. I gave a lousy dollar that probably won't make a lot of difference...that makes no sense to me either.
All of my life, I have lived by reason...to try to be a good steward of resources. I usually give to those I love. If a give to causes, I have to deem them "worthy". God has shaken my logic. I am learning something that is extremely difficult for me to fathom...that LOVE is NOT always logical. I had assumed that I was dealing with a logical God...but maybe not. Love without reason? I am still struggling with this irrational awareness: JUST GIVE.
There was one other thought I had about this small scenario. In the story, who is the saint? The beggar had nothing to give, except his blessings from God to me. I was blessed 5 minutes later...and it was a whole lot more than a free cup of coffee!
