Does anyone really like the feelings this word elicits? "Obey!" It makes me feel like a dog. I took my dog to "obedience" school. For me, this word is associated with other words that "rub" me the wrong way. Words like... should, must, no choice, restraint. I can almost feel a noose tightening around my neck! And my initial reaction is RUN! When there is no place to run, I can dig in my heels or rebel. ANYTHING but do what I am told.
I don't think I'm alone here. I think something at the human core becomes threatened...FREEDOM! Now there's a word that elicits GOOD feelings. I associate this word with floating or flying. The word feels light. Whereas obedience feels heavy. I wish I could find a synonym. I know... how about "Respond!". Changing the word is just a way of tricking my brain into thinking that I am the one making the choice. In actuality I may be obeying, but the word "respond" does not trigger the same emotions as "obey". It's like saying, "I respond to my husband's needs." vs "I obey my husband." See what I mean about word choice?
But regardless of the words used, what is really going on here? I remember the day that my first grandson James learned how to crawl. There were videos posted, and everyone was celebrating his new found freedom. The very next week, I was talking on the phone with my daughter and I hear her say, "James...no!" It dawned on me at the time, that this was the beginning of his ongoing dilemma of freedom and "obedience"... or the way I choose to say it... freedom and "response" ability. (That's because I don't like the word responsibility either!)
So what the heck is going on here? On the planet, no one is truly free. We are all stuck in a body with the rules of gravity. So in a sense, we are all "trapped" and not free. So why is the desire to be free at our core? We are not physically free on earth...but yet it is written in our hearts to long for it. In my post regarding the word "perfect", I bring up the same point. Why is it on our hearts to seek perfection?
It is written, "For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." Matthew 7:8.
Why do I bring this up? Because for years I have been trying to identify what all people have in common. I think I am beginning to understand what "seeking God" really means. When I really observe the human species I see people longing for perfection...freedom...eternal life...to never be alone. These desires are deeply ingrained into our DNA. The problem is, none of them can be found on this planet. If these things are not attainable on this planet, then I beg the question WHY DO THEY EXIST AT OUR CORE?
Obedience is not written in my core. However, as a semi-intelligent earthling, I do know that without rules there is chaos. (I won't go into the insanity of some the Leviticus laws of the Bible or some the laws of our country.)
My conclusion is, there must be a reason for these deep longings. There are commandments to be obeyed and somehow they tie into the longings. If I "respond" to them will I find what I am longing for? Am I willing to find out?
At this point, I have taken the first few steps of this Christian journey. It is one of those things that you have to experience for yourself. I will say that the kind of "obedience" required here does not have the same "look" as a well trained military school. People all dressed the same, saying the same thing. On the contrary, part of the commandment is to adore individuality.
It is written, "My COMMAND is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." John 15:12
And so here we have ANOTHER thing we are SEEKING at our core. Someone to love us so much that they would be willing to die for us. What is your "response" to that?
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Word Wednesday: Motivation
Motivation has been a word I have been pondering for quite some time.
It all started when I was about 3, and asked "Why?" Yes, I know all children start driving their parents crazy with this question at some point...but I never quit. It must be human nature to ask this question, because everyone does. But "why" do some people become obsessed with it? (See, there I go again!) I know I have annoyed many people over the years, and I have had many great discussions with other "why people". In most of the discussions I have had, we usually end up with more questions. Especially when it comes to motivation.
I became intrigued with psychology early on, because I wanted to know "why" people are the way they are. I found some answers, but when it comes to motivation...good luck! It has taken me a long time to surrender to the fact that I will never know another's true motivation. Only God knows. There is a lot in the Bible about motivation (or the heart of man). God is very serious about this.
To me, motivation is the reason we do or think what we do. I am making an assumption here, that there is a motive to all action and thought. Possibly not. We do a lot of things that are reflexive or reactive, or without thought. Like breathing, I don't have much choice about that. Already, this becomes complicated... motives may be unconscious (a habit), subconscious (a reason that we are unaware of), or conscious (aware).
Motivation could be a thought or emotional state. Think for a moment... why do you get out of bed every morning? If you are not being lifted out of the crib anymore, something motivates you. So what is the thought or emotion that leads you to action? If you look hard, there is a least one motive for every action. When I examine why people do what they do, it is usually "multi-motivational". (I just made up a new word!)
Let's take an example of over-eating. There could be many reasons for this behavior... a mother who consoled the child with food, or an unloving father and the child turned to food for comfort. Or... it could be because of habit, comfort, boredom, distraction, rebellion, pleasure. OR ALL of these reasons, mixed together. And I must beg the question: DOES KNOWING "WHY" REALLY HELP CHANGE THE BEHAVIOR? My verdict...no.
Let's take another example. When somebody does something nice for you, what is their motivation? Does it matter? Most of us will answer that it does matter. We don't want to feel manipulated, or that we owe something, or that they did it out of guilt. We want to think their motive was their honest love and concern for us. If I said to my patients that I am just helping them for the paycheck, it probably wouldn't go over too well.
What about your own motivation? Does it matter? Mine started to matter when I started not to care. I realized that I was not changing or growing, for many reasons. But one of the main reasons was motivation.
Last week, I talked about seeking perfection. This used to be a motive for me...to be perfect. That turned out to be disastrous. I started watching and listening to people. Most people are motivated by "What's in it for me". Just look at the greed all around us...and I include myself. I am not so sure this motive is great either. But like seeking perfection, it drives our economy.
I am in the health care field, and one of the biggest challenges is motivating people to make long term commitments to healthy lifestyles. The reality is that this will save millions of health care dollars. The statistics are staggering at the low percentage of people who make these changes permanent. And there is neuropsychological research to explain why this is so. It is discouraging.
I don't know the solution. But I do know that motivation lies at the core. I do know that a culture that is motivated by "What's in it for me", will not last as long as one motivated by "What's in it for WE." That kind of belief involves motivation that includes sacrifice of self for the greater good. I know where you can find the PERFECT role model if you're interested.
It all started when I was about 3, and asked "Why?" Yes, I know all children start driving their parents crazy with this question at some point...but I never quit. It must be human nature to ask this question, because everyone does. But "why" do some people become obsessed with it? (See, there I go again!) I know I have annoyed many people over the years, and I have had many great discussions with other "why people". In most of the discussions I have had, we usually end up with more questions. Especially when it comes to motivation.
I became intrigued with psychology early on, because I wanted to know "why" people are the way they are. I found some answers, but when it comes to motivation...good luck! It has taken me a long time to surrender to the fact that I will never know another's true motivation. Only God knows. There is a lot in the Bible about motivation (or the heart of man). God is very serious about this.
To me, motivation is the reason we do or think what we do. I am making an assumption here, that there is a motive to all action and thought. Possibly not. We do a lot of things that are reflexive or reactive, or without thought. Like breathing, I don't have much choice about that. Already, this becomes complicated... motives may be unconscious (a habit), subconscious (a reason that we are unaware of), or conscious (aware).
Motivation could be a thought or emotional state. Think for a moment... why do you get out of bed every morning? If you are not being lifted out of the crib anymore, something motivates you. So what is the thought or emotion that leads you to action? If you look hard, there is a least one motive for every action. When I examine why people do what they do, it is usually "multi-motivational". (I just made up a new word!)
Let's take an example of over-eating. There could be many reasons for this behavior... a mother who consoled the child with food, or an unloving father and the child turned to food for comfort. Or... it could be because of habit, comfort, boredom, distraction, rebellion, pleasure. OR ALL of these reasons, mixed together. And I must beg the question: DOES KNOWING "WHY" REALLY HELP CHANGE THE BEHAVIOR? My verdict...no.
Let's take another example. When somebody does something nice for you, what is their motivation? Does it matter? Most of us will answer that it does matter. We don't want to feel manipulated, or that we owe something, or that they did it out of guilt. We want to think their motive was their honest love and concern for us. If I said to my patients that I am just helping them for the paycheck, it probably wouldn't go over too well.
What about your own motivation? Does it matter? Mine started to matter when I started not to care. I realized that I was not changing or growing, for many reasons. But one of the main reasons was motivation.
Last week, I talked about seeking perfection. This used to be a motive for me...to be perfect. That turned out to be disastrous. I started watching and listening to people. Most people are motivated by "What's in it for me". Just look at the greed all around us...and I include myself. I am not so sure this motive is great either. But like seeking perfection, it drives our economy.
I am in the health care field, and one of the biggest challenges is motivating people to make long term commitments to healthy lifestyles. The reality is that this will save millions of health care dollars. The statistics are staggering at the low percentage of people who make these changes permanent. And there is neuropsychological research to explain why this is so. It is discouraging.
I don't know the solution. But I do know that motivation lies at the core. I do know that a culture that is motivated by "What's in it for me", will not last as long as one motivated by "What's in it for WE." That kind of belief involves motivation that includes sacrifice of self for the greater good. I know where you can find the PERFECT role model if you're interested.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Word Wednesday: Perfect
"Perfect!" I think most people love to hear and say this word. Most of the time it produces "positive" emotions. An exception might be when it is describing my opponent's performance in a competition where I have a lot at stake. Then the word might elicit feelings of anger, fear or envy. You know, all those not-so-good feelings. Unless.... I am the "perfect" good sport...in which case I experience positive feelings again.
I am fascinated by this word. Think of the synonyms... "Bull's eye!" "A-One!" "Bingo!" "Magnifico!" "Dead on!" There is a wonderful feeling elicited when I hear words like this. And I want to feel that more!
I sometimes wonder about all this seeking for perfection. Most of us seem to do it. We seek the "perfect" clothes, job, lifestyle, car, home, relationships. You name it. For many, it is hard to be satisfied with anything less. It actually fuels our economy. For a moment, I am NOT going to assume "seeking perfection" is always a good thing. If you have read my other posts, you will notice what I think about ASSumptions.
For one thing, perfection DOES NOT imply morality. I think we all hear a word and assume it implies goodness, because the word sounds good. Remember... there is the "perfect" murder and "perfect" revenge.
I can see the downside to seeking perfection. An example is the "perfect" relationship. Many of us are told not to "settle" when choosing a life partner. What does that mean?? Perfection is unattainable, not permanent, and an ideal based upon our imagining of what it is. It is also very subjective. My idea of perfection is unique only to myself. It is a private "bar-setting" I possess, and you may or may not meet my standards. How does THAT make you feel? This bar-setting of expectations is usually based on some ideal. What happens if it is too high... or too low? Or what if there was no bar at all?
When I was young I was told, "Just do the best you can." That started me on a path of seeking perfection, and to find out what "best" meant. Because of this, I became what others call a "perfectionist". And this also lead to other labels, such as idealistic, controlling, inflexible, intolerant and OCD(ish). I was also full of anxiety and insecurity. The good news was that this seeking perfection served me well in school and the workplace. It was not so helpful in the world of relationships. (I love that my dentist is a perfectionist...I am not sure I would want to live in her house.)
I am really writing this post, because it fascinates me that this seeking is almost ingrained in our souls. It is such a stong desire. For most of my life, I was seeking perfection in the world. This is crazy because it is unattainable. So now, I am seeking inner perfection which is equally unattainable. The irony is, that in a lifetime of seeking perfection, I actually found it...but it isn't at all what I thought it would be. And although the seeking brought me to it...it was there all along. (Yes, Dorothy...if you are a Wizard of OZ fan.)
I think there may be a different "feel" to the perfection I have found. It is not temporary and it is attainable. It is actually paradoxical...because it is a perfection that does not require seeking...because it already exists. I don't have the exact words... but this kind of perfection does feel different . It resonates deep within me and "rings" true. It is different than a "hole in one!" kind of feeling. It is more like a "whole in one".
So now what? I can continue to do my "best", whatever that might mean...but "perfection" is just another word and it does not define me. If it does define me, it defines everyone... we all might be just plain "perfectly imperfect".
I am fascinated by this word. Think of the synonyms... "Bull's eye!" "A-One!" "Bingo!" "Magnifico!" "Dead on!" There is a wonderful feeling elicited when I hear words like this. And I want to feel that more!
I sometimes wonder about all this seeking for perfection. Most of us seem to do it. We seek the "perfect" clothes, job, lifestyle, car, home, relationships. You name it. For many, it is hard to be satisfied with anything less. It actually fuels our economy. For a moment, I am NOT going to assume "seeking perfection" is always a good thing. If you have read my other posts, you will notice what I think about ASSumptions.
For one thing, perfection DOES NOT imply morality. I think we all hear a word and assume it implies goodness, because the word sounds good. Remember... there is the "perfect" murder and "perfect" revenge.
I can see the downside to seeking perfection. An example is the "perfect" relationship. Many of us are told not to "settle" when choosing a life partner. What does that mean?? Perfection is unattainable, not permanent, and an ideal based upon our imagining of what it is. It is also very subjective. My idea of perfection is unique only to myself. It is a private "bar-setting" I possess, and you may or may not meet my standards. How does THAT make you feel? This bar-setting of expectations is usually based on some ideal. What happens if it is too high... or too low? Or what if there was no bar at all?
When I was young I was told, "Just do the best you can." That started me on a path of seeking perfection, and to find out what "best" meant. Because of this, I became what others call a "perfectionist". And this also lead to other labels, such as idealistic, controlling, inflexible, intolerant and OCD(ish). I was also full of anxiety and insecurity. The good news was that this seeking perfection served me well in school and the workplace. It was not so helpful in the world of relationships. (I love that my dentist is a perfectionist...I am not sure I would want to live in her house.)
I am really writing this post, because it fascinates me that this seeking is almost ingrained in our souls. It is such a stong desire. For most of my life, I was seeking perfection in the world. This is crazy because it is unattainable. So now, I am seeking inner perfection which is equally unattainable. The irony is, that in a lifetime of seeking perfection, I actually found it...but it isn't at all what I thought it would be. And although the seeking brought me to it...it was there all along. (Yes, Dorothy...if you are a Wizard of OZ fan.)
I think there may be a different "feel" to the perfection I have found. It is not temporary and it is attainable. It is actually paradoxical...because it is a perfection that does not require seeking...because it already exists. I don't have the exact words... but this kind of perfection does feel different . It resonates deep within me and "rings" true. It is different than a "hole in one!" kind of feeling. It is more like a "whole in one".
So now what? I can continue to do my "best", whatever that might mean...but "perfection" is just another word and it does not define me. If it does define me, it defines everyone... we all might be just plain "perfectly imperfect".
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Word Wednesday: "Word"
Talking about the word "word" sounds like it might be boring. I mean just look at it... four little letters; w-o-r-d. That's it. And yet the most read book in history is also known as "The Word". So maybe these four letters deserve a bit of attention.
"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." -John 1:1
Hmm...that is kind of interesting. So, what exactly does this word "word" mean?
For me, "word" is just something I use to make sentences out of. So what's the big deal? I ASSumed that this definition is true for all cultures across all time. I was pretty amazed to find out that I WAS WRONG. All words mean different things to different people, and it is no different with this word.
To the Jews, "word" had a very distinct meaning. To most people in the middle east, a word is not just a word, but a POWER that does something. The Old Testament is full of the POWER of words. William Barclay writes, "To Jews, a word was far more than a mere sound; it was something which had an independent existence and which actually did things."
I like to ponder this. Word Wednesday is about words: ESPECIALLY the POWER that words can have on our emotions. And I do believe that our emotions can lead us to action (or inaction). I don't think I personally have power, but I know my words can. I know, because I have had my emotions change when I listen to another...and sometimes moved by those emotions to action. (Don't ASSume that action was for the better...a lot of it was from manipulation or marketing.)
If you are finding this blog "dry" to read, it is because I haven't chosen the words that "stir" your emotion in some way. (Or you have better things to do...which you do. Let me "entice" you some more with magical words!) Get the picture?
I hate the idea that my words can hurt. I love the idea that my words can encourage. I have to believe that the things we do and the words we choose make a difference. I am the vehicle for this POWER. So are you. So is everyone.
Truly, I wish it wasn't this way. Why? Because now that I know this... I have to be RESPONSIBLE and choose my words with care and wisdom. That might mean I have to talk less, listen more, and act like a grown up...until I become one...maybe.
Yep, this is what happens after the first "Da-Da" .
And speaking of "Da-Da", I wanted to let you know what happened with the "Word".
Well..... "The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us". -John 1:14
"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." -John 1:1
Hmm...that is kind of interesting. So, what exactly does this word "word" mean?
For me, "word" is just something I use to make sentences out of. So what's the big deal? I ASSumed that this definition is true for all cultures across all time. I was pretty amazed to find out that I WAS WRONG. All words mean different things to different people, and it is no different with this word.
To the Jews, "word" had a very distinct meaning. To most people in the middle east, a word is not just a word, but a POWER that does something. The Old Testament is full of the POWER of words. William Barclay writes, "To Jews, a word was far more than a mere sound; it was something which had an independent existence and which actually did things."
I like to ponder this. Word Wednesday is about words: ESPECIALLY the POWER that words can have on our emotions. And I do believe that our emotions can lead us to action (or inaction). I don't think I personally have power, but I know my words can. I know, because I have had my emotions change when I listen to another...and sometimes moved by those emotions to action. (Don't ASSume that action was for the better...a lot of it was from manipulation or marketing.)
If you are finding this blog "dry" to read, it is because I haven't chosen the words that "stir" your emotion in some way. (Or you have better things to do...which you do. Let me "entice" you some more with magical words!) Get the picture?
I hate the idea that my words can hurt. I love the idea that my words can encourage. I have to believe that the things we do and the words we choose make a difference. I am the vehicle for this POWER. So are you. So is everyone.
Truly, I wish it wasn't this way. Why? Because now that I know this... I have to be RESPONSIBLE and choose my words with care and wisdom. That might mean I have to talk less, listen more, and act like a grown up...until I become one...maybe.
Yep, this is what happens after the first "Da-Da" .
And speaking of "Da-Da", I wanted to let you know what happened with the "Word".
Well..... "The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us". -John 1:14
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Word Wednesday: Chronic
My daughter has a blog with Tip Tuesday. Every week she writes a tip for Moms. I decided to steal her idea and have Word Wednesday. In her blog she has a character called "The Pragmatist". My blog is different, because it offers nothing useful. Here is her blog to read instead (or in addition), if you would like something more...pragmatic. http://holdingthedistaff.blogspot.com/
So back to my blog. I love to think about words: how we use them, what they mean, their power, their affect on people's emotions and reactions. Words have the power to communicate or cause great barriers to understanding. For myself, I make a lot of assumptions about when I use a certain word and what it means to the person I am talking with. I just assume they think it means what I do. However, defining every word we used and what it truly means, would be kind of crazy.
There are even books written about ONE word. When psychologists do research, they have to define not the word itself, but the contruct of it. For example, "motivation" has to be defined and measureable. It really gets quite messy. If you are interested in this, you would have to take a course on psychometrics. Basically, it is taking our unclear emotional vocabulary and trying to put it in a measureable scientific box. So think about that, next time you are reading the latest psychological data.
Today's word is "chronic". I really despise this word. It is defined as long standing, or something that has gone on for a very long time. In my profession, we use the word for chronic illness, chronic headache or back pain, chronic fatigue. Anyway, you get the picture. I think that those of us in the medical field don't care for the diagnosis of "chronic" much because it might mean this:
We cannot do much to make any difference. It fills us and our patients with a sense of defeat. The only answer we can come up with is "learn to live with it". I don't think anybody likes to say or hear these words. So for me, "chronic" brings up feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. Those are the two hallmark feelings of depression. So, chronic "disease" may beget chronic complaining, which may lead to chronic answer seeking, which may lead to chronic depression.
Alas, I have no answer to remedy chronic conditions. Perhaps "learning to live with it" is all I can offer. So that is why I don't like this word. For me, it messes with my "healer" fantasy.
Why doesn't anyone use the word "chronic" in an upbeat way. Can you imagine if we did? Yes, Ralph has a chronic smile on his face and Sara has chronic happiness syndrome.
Yes...CHRONIC HAPPINESS SYNDROME! Just imagine the MD writing this on your medical history. Of course, to diagnosis it, she would assess for a set of symptoms. One of those symptoms might be not complaining. And then that might go under the symptom of denial. So the MD might then send you to a counselor to work through your denial. Imagine sitting in the chair for your first visit. The counselor says, "What brings you here?" And you happily reply, "Oh, I have Chronic Happiness Syndrome." The good counselor breaks down the walls of denial, and you are cured! NO WAIT... there is no cure for this. Remember? It is CHRONIC.
The point? It is just a word. And like all words, it can have the power to define and shape our lives. In my life and my profession, I have fallen victim to all the associations our society makes with it. The reality is: we are all just people...not labels...just people.
So back to my blog. I love to think about words: how we use them, what they mean, their power, their affect on people's emotions and reactions. Words have the power to communicate or cause great barriers to understanding. For myself, I make a lot of assumptions about when I use a certain word and what it means to the person I am talking with. I just assume they think it means what I do. However, defining every word we used and what it truly means, would be kind of crazy.
There are even books written about ONE word. When psychologists do research, they have to define not the word itself, but the contruct of it. For example, "motivation" has to be defined and measureable. It really gets quite messy. If you are interested in this, you would have to take a course on psychometrics. Basically, it is taking our unclear emotional vocabulary and trying to put it in a measureable scientific box. So think about that, next time you are reading the latest psychological data.
Today's word is "chronic". I really despise this word. It is defined as long standing, or something that has gone on for a very long time. In my profession, we use the word for chronic illness, chronic headache or back pain, chronic fatigue. Anyway, you get the picture. I think that those of us in the medical field don't care for the diagnosis of "chronic" much because it might mean this:
We cannot do much to make any difference. It fills us and our patients with a sense of defeat. The only answer we can come up with is "learn to live with it". I don't think anybody likes to say or hear these words. So for me, "chronic" brings up feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. Those are the two hallmark feelings of depression. So, chronic "disease" may beget chronic complaining, which may lead to chronic answer seeking, which may lead to chronic depression.
Alas, I have no answer to remedy chronic conditions. Perhaps "learning to live with it" is all I can offer. So that is why I don't like this word. For me, it messes with my "healer" fantasy.
Why doesn't anyone use the word "chronic" in an upbeat way. Can you imagine if we did? Yes, Ralph has a chronic smile on his face and Sara has chronic happiness syndrome.
Yes...CHRONIC HAPPINESS SYNDROME! Just imagine the MD writing this on your medical history. Of course, to diagnosis it, she would assess for a set of symptoms. One of those symptoms might be not complaining. And then that might go under the symptom of denial. So the MD might then send you to a counselor to work through your denial. Imagine sitting in the chair for your first visit. The counselor says, "What brings you here?" And you happily reply, "Oh, I have Chronic Happiness Syndrome." The good counselor breaks down the walls of denial, and you are cured! NO WAIT... there is no cure for this. Remember? It is CHRONIC.
The point? It is just a word. And like all words, it can have the power to define and shape our lives. In my life and my profession, I have fallen victim to all the associations our society makes with it. The reality is: we are all just people...not labels...just people.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Just like a car....
Fasten your seat belt, because I am going to take you on an extended metaphor trip....
In so many ways, I am just like a car. I have not worn a pedometer all my life, so I don't know my mileage. I also don't know how much real wear and tear I have sustained over the 57 years since this human vehicle was loaned out to me. I am pretty sure it is a loaner. I may be the original user, but I did not create this make and model. My parents might have, but then who created their make and model?
I have an exterior and interior. I have an electrical, cooling, and exhaust system...just to name a few. I have mechanical parts called joints, bones, and muscles that like a car become worn out over time. I am sure there are things under the hood that can't even be reached or diagnosed. Anyway, I think you get the picture.
Cars take a lot of upkeep if they are going to last awhile. It is called maintenance and repair. We all know how much time, money and energy it takes to keep anything running smoothly and to extend its lifetime. The more complicated the vehicle, the more resources seem to be needed.
Cars are pretty complicated. There are specialists for body work, cool paint jobs, and engine work. Some mechanics are specialized in different areas, like mufflers or brakes. Still others specialize in specific makes and models.
Human vehicles have a disadvantage because EVERY single one around is its own unique make and model. We try to make people fit certain categories, to make diagnostics easier...but we are talking about VERY complex and ONE OF A KIND vehicles. This can make repair and maintenance very challenging at times. People do not come with a PERSONAL MANUAL! And to make matters worse, they do not come with a warranty or a guarantee.
But there is more... besides dealing with the complex physical aspects... the human vehicle has EMOTIONS and FREEDOM. And these emotional aspects are ALSO complex and unique. I am responsible for taking care of this vehicle loaned to me. Without a personal manual and with more and more knowledge of this complexity... I become VERY AGITATED... my engine revs, I don't know which gear to pick. I get stuck in the mud and spin my wheels. This is NOT good for my vehicle! And while I am busy figuring out what it needs and how to meet those needs, I miss the trip I am on.
There is more... I feel like I am on the trip alone sometimes. Nobody knows my make and model but me. But I am really happy there are other vehicles on the road. Some don't follow the rules and I can get road rage. But for the most part, they too are trying to make this trip without too many breakdowns. Knowing all of this can at times make me feel overwhelmed and alone. And knowing all of this has filled me with compassion and grace for my fellow travelers... but only when my tank is full of God's fuel...better known as LOVE.
In so many ways, I am just like a car. I have not worn a pedometer all my life, so I don't know my mileage. I also don't know how much real wear and tear I have sustained over the 57 years since this human vehicle was loaned out to me. I am pretty sure it is a loaner. I may be the original user, but I did not create this make and model. My parents might have, but then who created their make and model?
I have an exterior and interior. I have an electrical, cooling, and exhaust system...just to name a few. I have mechanical parts called joints, bones, and muscles that like a car become worn out over time. I am sure there are things under the hood that can't even be reached or diagnosed. Anyway, I think you get the picture.
Cars take a lot of upkeep if they are going to last awhile. It is called maintenance and repair. We all know how much time, money and energy it takes to keep anything running smoothly and to extend its lifetime. The more complicated the vehicle, the more resources seem to be needed.
Cars are pretty complicated. There are specialists for body work, cool paint jobs, and engine work. Some mechanics are specialized in different areas, like mufflers or brakes. Still others specialize in specific makes and models.
Human vehicles have a disadvantage because EVERY single one around is its own unique make and model. We try to make people fit certain categories, to make diagnostics easier...but we are talking about VERY complex and ONE OF A KIND vehicles. This can make repair and maintenance very challenging at times. People do not come with a PERSONAL MANUAL! And to make matters worse, they do not come with a warranty or a guarantee.
But there is more... besides dealing with the complex physical aspects... the human vehicle has EMOTIONS and FREEDOM. And these emotional aspects are ALSO complex and unique. I am responsible for taking care of this vehicle loaned to me. Without a personal manual and with more and more knowledge of this complexity... I become VERY AGITATED... my engine revs, I don't know which gear to pick. I get stuck in the mud and spin my wheels. This is NOT good for my vehicle! And while I am busy figuring out what it needs and how to meet those needs, I miss the trip I am on.
There is more... I feel like I am on the trip alone sometimes. Nobody knows my make and model but me. But I am really happy there are other vehicles on the road. Some don't follow the rules and I can get road rage. But for the most part, they too are trying to make this trip without too many breakdowns. Knowing all of this can at times make me feel overwhelmed and alone. And knowing all of this has filled me with compassion and grace for my fellow travelers... but only when my tank is full of God's fuel...better known as LOVE.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
"Sour Grapes"...YUM!
So, I have heard that several of you bought lottery tickets this week and lost the chance to be a multimillionaire. You really didn't want to win, did you? It would have caused so much turmoil in your life:
Not so long ago, as I was trying to get over my now former husband. It was an ugly time full of heartache, grief, etc. At that time I was sharing my story with anyone who asked. One day I was talking about it with a stranger, who had been through the same thing. Her advice... "Think about all the things you don't like about him." Hmmm.....sour grapes.
I have been opposed to this choice in viewpoint for several reasons. It seems childish, and my brain knows it is trying to fool itself. Also, I am of the belief to treat others as I would like to be treated. However, if I can manage to love the sinner while disliking the behavior, I think this tactic is clean.
In essence, my pride got in the way of using a most practical defense mechanism. Sometimes, this may be the optimal choice to get through the day. When I am deeply longing to have something I cannot have, there are several options of thought. The most important thing for me is that I don't keep the misery of unquenched desire from intruding upon my life. Using sour grapes is one quick way to snip it in the bud.
In conclusion, I don't recommend this tactic frequently, because one's entire worldview could slowly become "sour" with overuse of this. However, an occassional sour grape is a fine ingredient when one is trying to make lemonaide out of lemons! Huh?
- You would meet all kind of relatives you didn't know you had, or want to know.
- You would have to decide what to keep, invest, or SHARE.
- You might quit your job and live in luxury with a meaningless couch potato life.
- You might ultimately find out that money really doesn't buy happiness (maybe).
- You would never know who really loved you for yourself or your money.
Not so long ago, as I was trying to get over my now former husband. It was an ugly time full of heartache, grief, etc. At that time I was sharing my story with anyone who asked. One day I was talking about it with a stranger, who had been through the same thing. Her advice... "Think about all the things you don't like about him." Hmmm.....sour grapes.
I have been opposed to this choice in viewpoint for several reasons. It seems childish, and my brain knows it is trying to fool itself. Also, I am of the belief to treat others as I would like to be treated. However, if I can manage to love the sinner while disliking the behavior, I think this tactic is clean.
In essence, my pride got in the way of using a most practical defense mechanism. Sometimes, this may be the optimal choice to get through the day. When I am deeply longing to have something I cannot have, there are several options of thought. The most important thing for me is that I don't keep the misery of unquenched desire from intruding upon my life. Using sour grapes is one quick way to snip it in the bud.
In conclusion, I don't recommend this tactic frequently, because one's entire worldview could slowly become "sour" with overuse of this. However, an occassional sour grape is a fine ingredient when one is trying to make lemonaide out of lemons! Huh?
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