The "Christian" Label

Everyone has labels throughout their lifetime. I can think of at least twenty I can give to myself. Over the years they can come to define us rather than describe what we do and how we live up to the criteria of the label. Those things are dependent upon who sets the definition and guidelines of any given title.

I was a licensed "Physical Therapist" for over thirty years. Unlike other roles, such as mother or wife, I had to earn that title. And yet it still did not define if I was a so-so or gifted therapist. And through the years, my identity became very wrapped up in that descriptor. Even as I write this I feel a certain amount of pride, but in reality it says nothing about who I am. 

Almost five years ago, I chose a new title...I became a "Christian". The guidelines weren't as difficult as being professionally licensed by a state, but there were still guidelines. They were in a book called the Bible. Besides receiving more than I can say, I also attained a new label..."Christian", which I don't take lightly and also highly dislike having another name tag I have to define, defend or explain.

The thing I hate about labels most is the stereotypes they provoke. Because we are human and need to keep things tidy in our brains, stereotypical thinking is not going away anytime soon.

Each person will react to a word differently, depending on their world view and set of experiences and knowledge that is unique to them. So any word I use to describe myself will have a different internal reaction for any given person. It is really kind of mind boggling, but if we are to truly understand each other, dropping the stereotypes and recognizing our diverse views is a first step.

I have stereotyped Christians for years and not in a pretty light. All I could focus on was these Bible-thumping, brainwashed individuals who were blinded by the insanity of a myth. At that time, my "truth" actually came from the lens of a society who fed me from a biased mass media and popular cultural norms. 

So here I am with a my new label and I really don't know what to do with it. There are so many kinds of Christians now that we have to define what type we are, and what that subdivision label means also. Or I could also go on at length about the level of commitment, doctrine followed, and on and on and on. So really the word "Christian" because of its history and complexity is extremely difficult to define.

I do know one thing. Labels do not define a person and I am not defined by calling myself a "Christian". So why do I continue to call myself one? Because to me it is the one label that actually proclaims my true identity. Nothing I have been called has truly been who I am. Paradoxically, having the label "Christian" means to me that I am no longer defined by any labels, but defined by Christ Himself. 

This crazy word "Christian" is just another word, but I call myself one because I want everyone to know this; I am not just claiming another role or job description. I put up with this silly label because if I didn't, I couldn't share something that is beyond "good news."  I use the word Christian not merely to describe my stance, but as a means to point to a profound discovery.

The Originals

Just the other day I saw some original artwork. I have seen replications my entire life, and very few originals. My daughter and her husband took me to the Art Institute of Chicago for my 60th birthday. It was a great way to launch my next decade. I finally had laid my eyes on some ORIGINALS: Picasso, Rembrandt and Monet to name a few.

1. 

One of the more interesting things I saw there were people taking selfies of themselves with a famous work of art. I thought it was pretty funny, but deep down I wanted to do it to! If my pride would have allowed it, I would have taken one of me and the self-portrait of  Van Gogh. Then I could  gaze and ponder away at Vincent and myself side by side. Even though I didn't take that picture, I imagined that I was looking at it. And what I saw was amazing.

I saw TWO ORIGINALS side by side, both with a different creator. Van Gogh had created an image of himself, and it is the original and one and only on this planet. And God had created me, and I am the original and one and only on this planet! In my silly musings, I had stumbled upon a wonderful revelation. That all of us are so much more that an original piece of any man made art. If we only viewed each other with as much reverence as famous works of art, what a difference that would make. 

Everyone loves a newborn. I know I do because at some level I am aware that I am observing a brand new creation. An original and one of a kind work of art. And even with my own children, I knew that I did not create them. Why have I forgotton this? Why do I continue to not see that I am witnessing an original creation in all of my encounters? Maybe it is because it is so "commonplace". Because there are so many of us, we seem to take these masterpieces for granted. But we are not copies like so many prints, photos or recordings. And why do we continue to idolize the great artists, and forget about The Creator?

So with that knowledge, what can I think about all the "originals" I observed? Are God's creations the only ones to admire?

I know absolutely nothing about art, so I am sure that my appreciation of what I saw was severely limited. But even with that handicap, I could still experience the emotions that were evoked while gazing. My most intense emotion was the sense of harmony and connection I experienced with some of the paintings, just as I do when I listen to different music genres. My soul seems to resonate with different sound and lyric combinations, and I found this to also be true with the various colors and forms of the art I visually drank in.

It got me to thinking that perhaps it is the hope and pleasure of most writers, painters, and musicians to make a connection with another soul. As a novice writer, that is always my hope.

We are creative creations. And our creativity probably serves many purposes. But I believe the main purpose we are made to create is to connect and resonate...with each other and with our Creator.

Looking for "Shee-Shee"

"Oh, Shee-Shee where are you?" I say in a sing song voice as my 18 month old granddaughter Grace and I go on a hunt for her beloved stuffed bunny. Her Mom thinks she named her (or rather "it") "Shee-Shee" because we were always going around saying, "Where is she?" If we can't find her, Grace becomes as upset as a mother losing track of  her child. Little Gracie adores this inanimate object, and will not be soothed until we find her lost love, which cannot love her in return. It is a one-way relationship. She is attached to an object.

I wonder if I am really not that different from this needy toddler. I think about all the Shee-Shees I have had in my life, attached to objects that make me feel safe and comforted. Or worse yet, loving people as if they were my Shee Shee, wanting them to never leave my side, and feeling terrified when they do.

There is a lot of psychology written about this normal stage of development, and then "abnormal" psychology when this stage of life is somehow disrupted. If you want to know more, it is called Object Relations Theory. It is very complicated and kind of scary to read, because if something goes amiss, you could end up with a terrible label, such as "borderline personality", "dependent personality" or "narcissism" as a few examples. 

I think something went wrong with my "normal" developmental sequence, but I don't think I'm alone. I have observed that almost all the people I have met seem to display some of the traits of these disorders. I notice that I and many others are looking for our lost "Shee-Shee" and try to either make or pretend that the people or things in our life will provide this constant emotional security, predictability and comfort that so many of us long for. There is a big problem when we do this, and it can be more devastating than receiving a "sick" label.

The problem is that the objects that we become attached to might not be good for us or become the "Shee-Shee" of our world, which in adult terms translates into an addiction. The other problem is that we might get confused and expect our loved ones (i.e. spouse, parents, children) to be our "Shee Shee" with the belief that they will be available at all times for us and they are SUPPOSED to ALWAYS make us FEEL GOOD.

I know this is totally irrational, but I find myself having this desire for this kind of attachment deep within myself. When I am totally honest with myself, I want a "Shee-Shee", and I think I have spent the majority of my life looking for it in all the wrong places.

I am not proud of the emotional attachments I have made to objects. As a former smoker, I can remember having a close relationship to my cigarette "friends". I could always count on them to soothe my emotions and they were always available. Not only that but they didn't expect anything from me. The emotional attachment I had with them was much harder to get over than the chemical addiction. I find I now have a similar relationship with coffee and chocolate. I personify these objects as "friends" because I get confused with the emotional comfort they provide. I have to remind myself that they are OBJECTS.

And then there were people. People who have loved me. And I forgot that they were NOT objects. Through the years I have objectified the people I loved the most, expecting them to be always available, predictable and comforting. To be my cigarettes. To be a "Shee-Shee". 

One day, a few years ago. I found myself alone. My mother and father had passed. My children had their own lives and my husband had fallen in love with another woman. I was alone with only me and all my self-help books. They told me that by myself, I could be enough. That I was supposed to love myself, eat right, exercise and go out and make new friends. 

My life long search for "love" had failed. I didn't even know what the word meant. Through much introspection and reading I had learned not to personify objects or objectify people. But the longing would not cease, and I was not about to go repeating the same patterns. I had hit bottom and could no longer cope with my awareness of  my separateness or the shame from all the damage I had caused in my own life and the lives of others. I had failed LIFE 101.

There was only one choice left... Jesus. I had balked at having faith in an invisible "friend" my entire life, but I had come to the end of myself.  So with a strong dose of humility, I decided to believe. I made Jesus my "Shee-Shee". After awhile my "Pretend Friend" became Very Real. I studied the Bible and went to church. I learned that humans had become separated from God a long long time ago. I found my story in the Bible and I found my eternal savior and comforter. I am no longer terrified of being alone. I have a living and loving "Shee-Shee". But most amazing of all, I have been forgiven for all the damage I have caused by personifying objects and objectifying people. 

     Even though I walk through the darkest valley,

           I will fear no evil, for you are with me,

     your rod and your staff, they comfort me.    

                                                        -Psalm 23:4

Lincoln... I've Been Thinkin'

---Land of Lincoln---  That is what is written on most Illinois license plates.  I moved to Bloomington, Illinois about 6 months ago, but I am from another state that is named after our FIRST president.  So what's the big deal, Illinois?  Let me try and shed some light.

The name Abraham Lincoln brings all kinds of images to my mind.  I see pennies and five dollar bills. I think of the Civil War, slavery and the number 16.  When I moved here, I found out that this is the "Land of Lincoln" because he resided and was buried in Springfield, IL, the state capitol.  Other than studies in grade and high school, I knew very little about "Honest Abe." 

I am not a lover of history or politics and put up with it most the time just to be polite. But something happened to me a few weeks ago.  

My sister and daughter were in town visiting, and I decided to show them a tourist attraction: The Lincoln Museum in Springfield.  A few weeks prior to this I happened to watch the movie, "Lincoln".  It perked my interest and whetted my appetite to find out a bit more about the man Illinois boasts about.  Also it should be noted that there are more books written about Lincoln than any other person in history, with the exception of Jesus.

I really didn't want to see more about the Civil War.  I went with the intention of finding out more about this famous man.  I wanted to see the world from Lincoln's eyes as much as possible.  The museum gave me this profound and I would even say spiritual experience.  Something I will always be grateful for and never forget.

I will not go into detail about the museum itself.  Let's just say that the experience left me with a small taste of what Lincoln had to walk through.  I know all leaders have to deal with dilemmas and decisions that effect multitudes, not only in the present but in the generations to come.  It is what Lincoln was up against and how he responded that amazes me.

The big "Aha" that I took away from my visit to the museum, was born from this analysis:  

Lincoln had a job to do.  His job was to keep the states unified.  As president, that was his primary focus and what his office mandated him to do.  From what I can tell, the Civil War was not just about the issue of slavery, it was about the issue of FREEDOM.  It is my understanding that the South wanted to be separate because they were afraid that they would lose their freedom to own slaves.  As an American, I love my freedom.  And to the South, this freedom was probably just as sacred to them as it is to us today.

Today, we don't even ponder the idea that slavery was moral and right to many during that time.  But why was it?  It is obvious to me that the assumption (or principle that our country says it is founded on) is not what many believed. Slave owners had to believe that all men were NOT created equal, or possibly the word "men" was not well defined in our Declaration of Independence.   It seems like a no -brainer today to know that slavery is wrong.  Well, maybe some still think it's right, but now it is illegal.  Thanks to Lincoln.

Lincoln must have been keenly aware that he was walking on thin ice when he was putting moral decisions into law, and taking away the freedom of many to decide what is moral and what is immoral.  

And then it hit me.  Is it OK for our government to make laws based on moral principles?  And where are those moral principles written?  And what if the government didn't step in and make a law based on morality...would we still have slavery?  Honestly, I believe we might.

I believe that Lincoln was an abolitionist in his heart, and he knew that making slavery illegal was stepping on the toes of freedom and messing with the boundaries of church and state.  He set the stage for continued battles for passing laws with moral issues.  It is still going on today.

I thank God for men like Lincoln.  Freedom is a beautiful thing, but freedom without morality is ugly.  If everyone lives by their own personal moral code, what is the end result?  

"Good-bye" Spokane

I have lived in Spokane for most of my 58 years...and now I am replanting myself in Illinois to be with my 2 daughters and their families.  And I will be leaving my other daughter, family members and some very dear friends.  In addition, I am leaving a career of 30+ years.

I won't go into to the rhymes and reasons.  Let's just say that the timing was apparent.

"I am moving away." 

Many people have said those exact words a few times in their life.  Now it is my turn and I hate it.  I love where I am going and I love what I am leaving behind.  Besides all the planning and packing, their is a plethora of emotion...but the hardest one to experience is the "last" good-bye.

I know that all this emotion will eventually pass away.  Everyone's life will go on and a new staus quo will be created.  It is very much like giving birth, except that I have the choice about how much emotion I want to experience.  Emotional pain is different that way...one can choose to not experience it.   You cannot choose to escape physical pain, but what about emotional suffereing?

I know a lot of people, including myself that will go to great lengths to avoid the pain of loss.  The ways to do it are numerus.  Lots and lots of literature is out there on how to "deal" with emotional pain.  After all, isn't avoiding pain and seeking pleasure what we are wired to do as humans?

I had my last day of work yesterday.  Not only was I ending a career, but leaving some very dear co-workers.  Everyone I said "good-bye" to had their own way of doing so.  But the one I will always remember was the one who deeply embraced me for a long time.  I could hear him swallowing his tears, as the tears flowed from my eyes.  Reflecting on that memory today, the tears are streaming again.  Even though I have so much to get done today, I want to embed this "painful" memory deep into my soul. 

Grief seems to be so entangled with Love, that I cannot tell the difference.   Jesus promised us life to the fullest.  I always saw a "full" life as meaning  full of the "good" stuff.  I am beginning to think that He may have meant the fullness of our emotional life as well. 

I have some more "last" goodbyes to walk through and I am not looking forward to them.  Our world is too busy for all this exhausting emotion... and yet emotion is the only way to know the depth of our connections.

There is another emotion that is a "choice".  And that is gratitude.  I have missed many opportunities to thank so many of the people in my life.  And how do I thank a city?  I don't know what that even means.

All I know is "Good-bye Spokane... and thank you."

"Entitlement"

"Entitlement" is kind of buzz word going around these days.  It has a negative connotation, in that most of us use it to judge someone who thinks they deserve something even though they did not earn it. 

I ponder this term, because I puzzle over the question, "What exactly makes a person entitled to anything?"   People will jump right onto the bandwagon of believing that hard work should be rewarded.  There is something satisfying about feeling that I "earned" or "deserve" it, whatever it is.

But where does  this belief come from and is it really the truth?  I am told I am entitled to more money than the people who work under me, because I went to college and "deserve" it.  So perhaps I was born with more brains and opportunities than them.  Maybe they had the same opportunities and did not take advantage of them or maybe they didn't have the same gifts and circumstances.  Is my sense of entitlement really necessary, or am I just trying to justify the idea that I deserve more when I actually don't. 

So what are we entitled to?  At one point we are all equal...the moment of birth.  At that time some people are born with more genetic gifts than others, or into a better environment.  Some people are even born with a blood line that makes them "royalty".  Or some "needy" people feel entitled because of their plight. Over time, most of us come to believe that some people are entitled to more than others for a multitude of reasons.

Who deserves what?  And who decides?  I don't know the answer to that.  But I do know that a sense of "entitlement" has the potential to do great harm at any level. What do I deserve?  Perhaps the consequences of my actions, but even that is not a given.

No, I am not entitled to anything.  ALL of it has been given to me by God, including my freedom to use or abuse it.  I don't know why some are born with "less", or why life isn't fair. But I believe anyone rich or poor, lucky or unlucky, who carries an attitude of entitlement...will never know God.

"Indeed there are those who are last who will be first, and first who will be last."  Luke 13:30



 

The Art of Growing "Old"

I hate to break the news, but you are going to be part of the "geriatric" population someday.  I have worked with this population for quite some time...and now I am almost one of THEM!

People talk a lot about preparing for old age.  Our culture puts much emphasis on health prevention and financial planning.  You can read it almost anywhere.  The concept is that good health and money will be all you need to secure a "happy" future.

I think these things are very important, but I notice there is very little emphasis on what I think is the most important practice of all...the practice of Grace.  I wish I would have started this practice a long time ago, because I can now see that this is the most important part of getting older.  Money and health are always out of our control...Grace is not. 

I will not go into the biblical meaning of Grace, but many of my beliefs are Christian based. 

My Mom used to say she wanted to "grow old gracefully".  I used to think she meant not to be hung up about the wrinkles or gray hair.  I really don't know what she meant by it, but I have come to believe it is an art that is to be practiced.  I believe this because I see so many in this population that are bitter and depressed.  Why?  A combination of reasons...but mostly because they cannot do what they used to do anymore.  Basically, everyone's body eventually wears out.  That is why Grace is so important and much easier to come by if a person started the practice early on. 

I will outline a couple of the things I have now started to practice.  Most of them I got from the Bible.  I think these are helpful at any age and I can guarantee if they are not practiced, growing old will NOT be "golden".

Be happy for others.  As I grow older there are many experiences that I will never have or are over. There are activities I can no longer do.  One remedy is to find new interests.  Another is to be truly interested in the lives of others.  It is better to be a cheerleader than to sit on the sideline angry that you can't be in the game.

Select your memories.  I have a huge scrapbook of memories in my brain.  I get to choose which ones I think about and I like to pick the ones that make me feel good.  If I get saddened because I cannot go back in time, I feel grateful that I actually had the wonderful experience.  After all, isn't that why we spend so much time making memories?

Love your old body.  Our society is horrific when it comes to looking youthful.  Loving my aging body is a very difficult practice.  I try to marvel at how many movements my body has been through, but I am sad that my body is getting older.  Probably the most important aspect of Grace and the hardest is acceptance.

Those are just a few things I work on.  For me, I just know I DO NOT want to grow into what I see in so many of my patients.  I see people who are bitter because their "hay days" are almost over.  I have a feeling that the happy ones I see have practiced an attitude of grace for a very long time.

When I was young and would have read this, I would have thought, "I'll worry about that later, I'm still young and don't have to bother with that."  Wisdom is mostly retrospective.  In my opinion, if I had to pick which is the most important thing to prepare for old age...I would definitely choose Grace.